In any close relationship, it’s inevitable that you will hurt your partner at some point. Whether it’s a minor disagreement or a major betrayal, hurt feelings are inevitable. While it’s impossible to avoid hurting your partner, it is possible to avoid doing it intentionally. Unfortunately, some people do hurt their partners intentionally, whether it’s out of anger, spite, or a need to control. If you’re hurting your girlfriend, it’s important to ask yourself why. Only you can decide if you want to change your behavior and make things right. Below are the reasons why you hurt your girlfriend.
Reasons why you hurt your girlfriend:
1. Unconscious re-creation of emotional trauma
We all experience various degrees of emotional hurt and trauma growing up. Unfortunately, we form part of our identities around whatever we experience, be it love, distance, drama, or verbal or physical abuse. As adults, we often unconsciously re-create these patterns of emotional injury in our own relationships. We may not even be aware that we’re doing it. We may simply think that this is how relationships are supposed to be. If we grew up in a home where there was a lot of yelling and arguing, we may think that this is normal and acceptable behavior. We may not realize that we’re actually causing pain to our loved ones. It’s important to be aware of the patterns of emotional injury that we learned growing up. Otherwise, we run the risk of repeating them in our own relationships.
For example, if you experienced a lot of drama growing up, you may find yourself attracted to partners who are also drama queens or kings. Or, if you felt neglected or abandoned as a child, you may unconsciously seek out partners who are also distant or unavailable. Why do we do this? Well, on some level, we believe that if we can recreate the emotional dynamic from our past, we can finally get the love, attention, or validation that we didn’t get as children.
Of course, this is a misguided attempt, because no matter how much we try to control our current relationships, they will never be exactly like our past ones. What’s more, by constantly seeking out partners who trigger our old wounds, we are actually preventing ourselves from healing those wounds and moving on. So if you find yourself in a relationship that feels eerily familiar to a past one, it may be time to take a step back and examine why you’re attracted to that type of person. Only then can you begin to break the cycle and create a healthy, lasting relationship.
2. You’re jealous
Jealousy is often the root of relationship problems. If you’re constantly worried about your girlfriend cheating on you or flirting with other guys, it’s only natural that you would take your frustration out on her. The key to dealing with jealousy is to communicate with your partner and address the issue head-on.
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3. You’re insecure
Insecurity is one of the most common reasons why people end up hurting their partners. When we’re insecure, we’re constantly looking for reassurance from our partners. We might need them to constantly tell us that they love us, or that we’re good enough. This can be incredibly taxing on a relationship, and it can ultimately lead to our partner feeling like they’re not good enough.
Insecurity can manifest itself in many ways, but often, it leads to controlling behavior. If you’re constantly checking up on your girlfriend or trying to control her movements, it’s likely that your insecurities are to blame. Insecurity is often the result of low self-esteem, so it’s important to work on building yourself up.
4. You’re not communicating
Communication is essential to any healthy relationship. If you’re not taking the time to talk to your girlfriend about your feelings, needs, and wants, it’s likely that you’re not communicating effectively. The key to communication is to be clear, honest, and open.
If you’re hurting your girlfriend, it’s important to take a step back and examine your behavior. If you can identify the root cause of your behavior, you can begin to work on making changes.
5. You’re afraid of intimacy
Intimacy can be scary. It means being vulnerable and sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings with another person. For some of us, that level of vulnerability is just too scary, so we try to push it away. We might do this by keeping our partner at a distance, or by constantly putting up walls. Unfortunately, this can lead to us hurting the very person we’re trying to protect ourselves from. If you find yourself constantly pushing your girlfriend away, it might be time to take a step back and ask yourself why.
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6. You’re trying to control the relationship
Relationships are not meant to be controlled. Unfortunately, some of us have a need to control everything in our lives, and that can include our relationships. We might try to control our partners by keeping them on a tight leash or constantly checking up on them. While it might seem like you’re just trying to keep things in order, this need for control can actually be very damaging to your relationship. It can create an atmosphere of mistrust and resentment, and it can ultimately lead to your girlfriend feeling suffocated.
7. You’re afraid of commitment
Commitment can be scary. It means giving up your freedom and deciding to stay with one person for the long haul. For some of us, that level of commitment is just too scary. We might try to avoid it by constantly pushing our partner away, or by cheating.
8. You’re not being honest with them
Honesty is important in any relationship, but it’s especially important in a romantic relationship. If you’re not being honest with your partner, it’s likely that they’ll eventually find out and feel betrayed. If you want to avoid this, make sure that you’re always honest with your partner.
